sea food risotto

Since you love it so much Cash, here is my recipe for seafood risotto

Ingredients:

Squid ink
Fish Sauce
Garlic
More garlic
Garlic shallots
Chilli
Frozen mussels, calamari, crab stick(note that it MUST BE FROZEN AND FRESH SEAFOOD SHOULD NEVER BE USED!)
Uncooked Woolworths Calarmari
Arborio Rice
Toilet Water

Method:

Bring 700ml of toilet water to the boil. When bubbling, add the arborio rice and cook until burnt.

Once the rice is black, add squid ink and stir. The mixture should now appear as black as a bat, squelchy and completely inedible.

Now add the garlic, garlic and garlic shallots. This is to mask the scent of death.

Add the seafood which should still be frozen and rock hard to avoid losing the flavour of the freezer.

Once the black mixture has completely coated the frozen seafood, serve immediately and dust with a sprinkling of chilli and the dashest of dashes of fish sauce.

Vomit up the mixture and serve it to guests on a plate of rose petals

DELISH